Crash Into Me

 In November of 2020, I drove at moderate speed on a nearby highway as I followed behind my husband back to our home. He weaved in and out of traffic ahead of me on his motorcycle, and I smiled as I drove behind in our car.  I've never liked his door-less seat with wheels, but the passion he has for it won me over and I opted to be supportive of his heart for it.  I knew as I trailed behind him that afternoon that he was enjoying the wind against his body and the thrill of the open road, so his pleasure was also, by extension, mine.  Plus, with me following close behind, I somehow felt he was protected - like I was keeping him safe in a way through the gaze of my eyes.  But then it happened.  In an instant, I went from quietly grinning as I drove to fearfully yelling the name "Jesus" as I watched him slide off his motorcycle and onto the pavement in front of me.  All at once I took in the visual horror of oncoming traffic, the car in front of him that had stopped suddenly, his motorcycle flying across the road, and his body rolling across the blacktop before me.  Without stopping to think, I slammed on my brakes, swerved to the right of the yellow line, and jumped out of the car to run to his side.  My eyes hot with tears that I forbid to fall, I knelt down next to him with an unspoken, but visible, desperation to see signs of motion and life. The world around me became blurry as I knelt on the road that afternoon.   In a matter of seconds, the crash in front of me became the crash into me.  

 I don't know whether or not you've ever witnessed the vehicular accident of someone you love, but I assure you, it's a horrifying scene when you watch your spouse roll across the pavement and your car is on one side of the traffic headed straight towards him.  While he survived the accident, our lives have been different since and only just now resuming a new normal.  Certain injuries he sustained have yet to heal, but the symbolism  of the  crash has extended into other areas of my life as well.  As I survey the various metaphorical collisions of 2020 - the crushing impact of my marriage onto the sandy shorelines of my career, various unsupportive family who ridiculed him for marrying me even though they didn't - and still don't - know me, the painful wreckage of a custody battle between my daughter's father and I, and the pileup of others' judgments and accusations into the wellspring of my heart and his- the impingements of it all against the gates of my life were severe.  But out of the destruction has come new life.  New vision.  New plans. God hasn't been blind to my hardships and He isn't oblivious or unconcerned about yours either.  1 Peter 4:12 says "don't be surprised by the fiery ordeal that is taking place to test you as though something strange or unusual were happening to you," and true to His nature, God always has a new beginning in store (Isaiah 43:19).  What is yours?  

If you needed a sign that this is the time to traverse a new path, here it is.  If you've been praying for confirmation about a certain unfamiliar direction you feel led to walk in, look no further.  You are meant to leave a mark on the world around you, and God is not limited to where you've been or what you've lost or given up.  He is at work in your life to blaze a new trail of blessing, elevation, and promotion.  Isaiah 43:19 says "Behold, I am doing a new thing, NOW it springs up, don't you perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and springs of water in the desert."  I understand the uncertainty and confusion well.  I'm in the midst of carving out my own new path, but trust me, sweet friend, God has got you.  Take the risk.  Jump.  Do what makes you feel alive and so what if you fall?  Or, worse yet, fail.  Failure is only an indication that you tried something new and discovered a deeper depth of insight into your life mission and calling.  I once tried to go to nursing school.  Hightailed it out of there the first time I had to care for a real patient.  The dummies in lab were one thing, but insert a catheter into a REAL man?  No thank you. I looked into his terrified eyes and he looked into mine and we both knew I wasn't the gal for the task.  I left in the middle of clinicals that night and never looked back.  Do you know, I did that man and myself a favor by calling in the student nurse who truly WAS gifted, anointed, and called by God to do the job? It was a defining moment of heightened awareness, ongoing discovery, and a new life trajectory.  Instead of becoming the nurse I thought I wanted to be, I got to become a doctor of psychology, known in my professional circle as "Dr. Flores."  I've been blessed to treat numerous patients and clients struggling with a variety of psychological distress.  The crash of nursing school led to the birth of my career as a therapist.  The moment of knowing was then in that hospital room and I owned it.  Nursing wasn't my calling although I desperately wanted it to be.  But it wasn't.  However, I'll never regret stepping out to find out.   In order to authentically discover yourself, there will be times when you must first learn who you're not.  It's not a failure to uncover those truths, it's an awakening that those who never step out of the boat miss out on.  

My husband's crash, though momentarily terrifying, taught me that when the wind gets knocked out of us and re-routes us temporarily, there is much to be learned and deeply abiding love to be discovered.  There is power in the pain.  Success in the failure. Rising from the fall.  Try, my friend.  Learn.  Fail.  Try again.  This is your moment.  When life has crashed into you and you don't know what to do, crash back into life with passion and dreams and prayer.  Crash into you with the new.  

You only need to take the next step...