But it Didn't...

 Directly in front of me as I write is a house that burned almost to the ground some time ago, but let me back up.  Since my husband's motorcycle accident in November of 2020 (see Crash Into Me), he finally had corrective surgery on his shoulder a few weeks ago.  As a result, I am now tasked with driving him to each of his construction job sites.  As a Superintendent for a construction restoration company, he has to travel to multiple projects throughout the day, an impossible feat when the operating surgeon has medically forbid him to get behind the wheel.  We're now in our third week of me serving as chauffer, and I can tell you this - nothing tests the heart and soul and love of a marriage more than driving your spouse to and fro five days a week.  Adultery? Deception? Poor money management?  Shoooooot. Those valleys seem like potholes right now as Alex's passenger seat driving voice rings in my ears.  I woke up at 3 a.m. today to the sound of "turn left," "stop speeding," "watch out, you almost hit that trash can!" and "honey, what are you doing, the light was red?"  I rubbed my eyes in a haze of wonder, looked to my right, and saw him sleeping peacefully in the bed next to me.  It was a dream. Whew.  I rubbed my head and lay back down, wondering if Jesus would be disappointed in me if I kicked him as an act of catharsis.  He was asleep after all.   I could always just say I was tossing and turning and accidently threw my leg into his.  Nah....I snuggled up next to him instead and breathed in the gratitude of having him by my side.  The driving I now do while he heals from his injuries is the result of a terrible accident that could have taken his life.  Could have robbed me of the deepest love I've ever known with a man.  Could have destroyed my world in a matter of seconds. Could have...  but it didn't.  

What is your perspective on your own life struggles? Are you focused on the hardship or the blessing inherent in the battle?  James 1:2-4 says to "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything..." Not gonna lie, I have a love/hate relationship with that verse.  First of all, what saint of 2021 does James think He's talking to when He commands me to "consider it pure joy" when I face trials and hardships and suffering?  Uhh...you go right ahead James and consider your suffering joyful, I'm gonna be right over here in my world corner sulking, pouting, and throwing a Superwoman sized tantrum, thank you very much.  It's what we do, isn't it?  Winds of adversity blow our way and we stomp our feet and shake our fist at God.  Been there.  In fact, I was there yesterday.  Okay, last week too.  Alright, a couple of days lately, I've thrown a healthy (fine, it wasn't healthy at all) fit at what hasn't gone my way.  My anger at various injustices on my life terrain met with hot tears recently as I told Alex I was done with God.  I'm giving up on the Lord, I told him hastily and through pain-fueled sobs.  I couldn't handle another setback, and yet there I stood as one more crushing obstacle broke through my door.  Fortunately, he knows how much I love God, so he sat patiently while I vented.  He waited to speak until I couldn't yell or cry anymore, and then like he always does, he just loved me in my mess.  The spiritual flames were hot, and could have burned me...but they didn't. 

"When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." - Isaiah 43:2

If our lives are like a house, mine in 2020 and into 2021 resembles the one that sits before me now at this construction site.  Almost burned to the ground, but not quite. The structure remains, but through the broken glass I can see nothing beyond the black charred walls, ash covered appliances, and torched memories of whomever lived there.  At the same time, however, through the rubble, I perceive a new beginning, a depth of the promise of beauty to come (Isaiah 61:3).  As I sat watching my husband direct the team on where to go and what to do to renovate, restore, and renew, I felt a strange connection to the burned home.  I watched in June of last year as my career went up in flames and I can still smell the smoke from the painful separation that has taken place between my daughter and me.  I've seen the face of evil and contrary to what most of society believes, it doesn't look how you might think.  Throughout late 2020 and into this year, I've continued to feel the sting of disdain from new family members who have chosen to judge me without knowing me.  When I saw the entirety of my life as I knew it be engulfed in fire, I nearly drown under the waves of despair as I struggled to build from wreckage.  Like the house before me, I too am in the process of being rebuilt.  Restored. Renewed.  The number of times I've wanted to give up, run away, or get back what I've lost is too high to count.  But I don't.  The enemy of my soul who wants only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) every facet of my life (and yours too), has fought a good fight and he played to win...but he didn't. 

"He who is in you is greater than he (the devil)  who is in the world." - 1 John 4:4

The struggle of your present may threaten to overtake you, but it won't.  Your flesh may beg you to bid farewell to the God who loves you, but you won't.  Your hardships may threaten to crush you, but they wont.  And when you find yourself standing on the other side (and you will) of the obstacles, suffering, and hardship, you'll be able to proclaim to someone else - the storm threatened to break you....but it didn't. 

'What, then, shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?" - Romans 8:31